Post by: xanthmo on September 26, 2008, 11:41:21 AM
[attachment=0:35ybhig3]women_drivers07.jpg[/attachment:35ybhig3]
How 'bout some bar jokes:
A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the bartender "Can I get a beer, and one for the road"
Post by: Myth on September 30, 2008, 06:08:47 AM
The monkey runs down the bar and grabs a handful of peanuts and throws them in his mouth and swallows them.
Then he runs over and grabs one of those pickled eggs from the jar and swallows it.
Then he runs over and grabs a pickle and eats it.
Then he runs over and grabs a guys beer and starts downing it.
Then he runs over and grabs a handful of pretzels and eats them too.
Then he jumps over on one of the pool tables and snatchs up the cueball and swallows it whole...
Finally the guy catches his monkey and tells the bartender that he's very sorry and he doesn't know what come over the monkey.
He tells him to total up all the damages and he'd pay for everything. After paying for everything the fella leaves.
A few weeks later the guy returned to the bar with his monkey...
The monkey freaks out again! Jumping off the guys shoulder and running down the bar!
But this time the monkey runs down and grabs a peanut, shoves it up his butt, pulls it out then eats it...
Then he runs over and grabs some pretzels and shoves them up his butt, pulls them out and eats 'em...
Then he runs over and grabs one of the pickles and shoves it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is amazed!!! He asks the owner what the heck the monkey's doing...
The guy says, "After that cueball, he's making sure it fits."
I love that joke...
Post by: xanthmo on September 30, 2008, 09:20:28 PM
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says "sorry we don't serve food here!"
Post by: Myth on October 01, 2008, 05:14:47 AM
Post by: xanthmo on October 01, 2008, 05:38:28 AM
Post by: Myth on October 01, 2008, 05:57:31 AM
Post by: xanthmo on October 01, 2008, 03:49:08 PM
I am all outta jokes, I even googled jokes and couldn't come up with anything. We need some help here!
Post by: Myth on October 02, 2008, 05:09:30 AM
Now when you say you're all outta jokes... I would assume you just me clean or cleanish ones... Certainly you know more jokes than that.
Though it would be nice if someone else besides us would throw in their two cents.
There were two brothers walking down the sidewalk in the city. The older brother was 16 and the younger one was 5.
Well they're walking and all the sundden the younger brother says, "Bubba, I gotta go to the bathroom."
The older brother says, "Can you hold it for a few minutes?"
And the younger brother says, "Okay."
Well they walk a little further and the younger brother says, "Bubba, I really gotta go to the bathroom..."
The older brother asks again, "Can you hold it for a few minutes?"
So the younger brother says "I'll try."
They walk a little further and the younger brother says, "Bubba, I REALLY need to go to the bathroom!"
The older brother askes him if he can hold it and the younger brother says, "No. I've been holding it and we still haven't found anywhere for me to go."
The older brother says, "Okay, well you gotta go Number one or Number two?
The younger brother says, "Number two..."
So the older brother looks around trying to find somewhere before his little brother craps on himself.
He sees an alleyway and decides that's his only choice.
So they duck in the alley and the younger brother starts doing his business.
Right after he gets his pants up a preacher walks by the alley and notices them.
So naturally he stops to make sure everything is okay.
Well upon seeing the preacher, the older brother takes off his hat and throws it over the pile of poop.
The preacher comes in the alley and asks what they are doing. They tell him they aren't doing anything.
He notices the hat on the ground and asks, "What's under the hat?"
The older brother doesn't know what to say and the younger one without missing a beat tells him they've caught the fastest bird in the world!
The preacher says, "Really? Well then why don't you raise the hat and let me see?"
The younger brother says, "Cause if we raise the hat he'll get away."
The preacher says, "Oh, I see. Well what if I get down here and catch him when you raise the hat?"
The younger brother says, "Okay..."
So the preacher gets down on the ground, ready to grab the bird as soon as the hat's lifted.
And the younger brother grabs the hat and asks him if he's ready.
The preachers tells him that he is, and they go, "One, Two, THREE!"
And the younger one raises the hat and the preacher digs both hands right into the pile of crap!
The older brother is beside himself, he has no idea what the younger was thinking.
The preacher looks at his hands and asks the brothers, "What the hell is this."
The younger brother tells him, "See, I told you it was the fastest bird in the wolrd, he's already shyt and ran!"
Post by: choylifutsoccer on October 02, 2008, 01:32:22 PM
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 02, 2008, 04:07:08 PM
Post by: xanthmo on October 02, 2008, 04:13:12 PM
[attachment=0:24mtrqa8]seekcodes_priceless-Mastercard-picture-kids-superhero-costumes-underwear-skidmarks.jpg[/attachment:24mtrqa8]
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 02, 2008, 04:20:07 PM
Post by: xanthmo on October 02, 2008, 04:25:53 PM
Post by: choylifutsoccer on October 02, 2008, 07:08:43 PM
Post by: Myth on October 03, 2008, 04:32:46 AM
Post by: Myth on October 03, 2008, 04:35:00 AM
Post by: xanthmo on October 03, 2008, 08:13:11 AM
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Post by: Myth on October 03, 2008, 08:16:43 AM
Post by: xanthmo on October 03, 2008, 08:19:43 AM
Post by: Myth on October 03, 2008, 08:23:13 AM
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 03, 2008, 09:39:59 AM
Post by: Myth on October 03, 2008, 10:53:04 AM
Post by: Myth on October 03, 2008, 10:55:46 AM
Post by: xanthmo on October 03, 2008, 11:02:09 AM
[attachment=0:2fc7xvqq]fish-n-chips.jpg[/attachment:2fc7xvqq]
Post by: xanthmo on October 03, 2008, 11:07:51 AM
[attachment=0:121v6j2f]licorice.jpg[/attachment:121v6j2f]
Post by: Myth on October 03, 2008, 11:14:19 AM
Post by: Myth on October 03, 2008, 11:16:41 AM
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 04, 2008, 10:14:07 AM
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 04, 2008, 10:21:35 AM
Post by: Myth on October 06, 2008, 04:40:09 AM
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 06, 2008, 06:35:18 AM
Post by: Myth on October 06, 2008, 06:43:22 AM
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating
that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life.'
'Where's Barrack Obama's clock?' asked the man.
'Obama's clock is in Jesus' office.
He's using it as a ceiling
fan.
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 06, 2008, 06:45:50 AM
Post by: Myth on October 06, 2008, 07:01:27 AM
Well other than him being so old he farts dust...
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 17, 2008, 07:02:32 AM
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 17, 2008, 07:05:09 AM
Post by: Myth on October 17, 2008, 01:27:24 PM
And I wonder how hard it was to shave that little p*ssy...
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 17, 2008, 03:24:37 PM
Post by: xanthmo on October 17, 2008, 08:43:48 PM
[attachment=0:9mbv8a3d]903075.jpg[/attachment:9mbv8a3d]
Post by: Myth on October 18, 2008, 12:55:31 PM
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 20, 2008, 03:20:02 PM
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 20, 2008, 03:23:10 PM
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 20, 2008, 03:30:13 PM
Post by: Myth on October 21, 2008, 05:13:59 AM
I know, I'm a long winded bastard...
Post by: ILL CLICK ENT on October 21, 2008, 06:55:27 AM
Post by: Myth on November 04, 2008, 07:36:53 AM
What is your name?' was the first thing the Chief asked the new guy.
'John,' the new guy replied.
The Chief scowled, 'Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal ass stuff they're teaching Sailors in boot camp today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my Sailors by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Chief. Do I make myself clear'?
Aye, aye, Chief!'
'Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?'
The new guy sighed and said, 'Darling. My name is John Darling, Chief!'
'Okay --- John, here's what I want you to do.'
Post by: Namikuz on November 04, 2008, 06:28:24 PM
Quote from: "Myth"
The Chief noticed a new seaman one dayFUNNY, FUNNY FUNNY. My Dad was in the Navy for 23.5. Some of their names aren't to far from the joke.
'Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?'
The new guy sighed and said, 'Darling. My name is John Darling, Chief!'
'Okay --- John, here's what I want you to do.'
Post by: Namikuz on November 05, 2008, 06:59:32 PM
Quote from: "ILL CLICK ENT"
That is some real shyt Myth. :idea: One of us need to put it together and put it on you tube. Come on somebody gots skills.That pic is from a vid. Its REALLY old, I can't find it. The lion biffs it. Its some soda commercial. REAL funny stuff.