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Jokes and funny Stuff

xanthmo · 48 · 21492

xanthmo

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Here is one of my all time favorite pics online - maybe because I know someone who looks like this lady:

[attachment=0:35ybhig3]women_drivers07.jpg[/attachment:35ybhig3]

How 'bout some bar jokes:

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the bartender "Can I get a beer, and one for the road"  :lol:


Myth

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Okay, a guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.  Right after he gets in the bar the monkey jumps off and starts running around all crazy.
The monkey runs down the bar and grabs a handful of peanuts and throws them in his mouth and swallows them.
Then he runs over and grabs one of those pickled eggs from the jar and swallows it.
Then he runs over and grabs a pickle and eats it.
Then he runs over and grabs a guys beer and starts downing it.
Then he runs over and grabs a handful of pretzels and eats them too.
Then he jumps over on one of the pool tables and snatchs up the cueball and swallows it whole...
Finally the guy catches his monkey and tells the bartender that he's very sorry and he doesn't know what come over the monkey.
He tells him to total up all the damages and he'd pay for everything.  After paying for everything the fella leaves.
A few weeks later the guy returned to the bar with his monkey...
The monkey freaks out again!  Jumping off the guys shoulder and running down the bar!
But this time the monkey runs down and grabs a peanut, shoves it up his butt, pulls it out then eats it...
Then he runs over and grabs some pretzels and shoves them up his butt, pulls them out and eats 'em...
Then he runs over and grabs one of the pickles and shoves it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is amazed!!!  He asks the owner what the heck the monkey's doing...

The guy says, "After that cueball, he's making sure it fits."

I love that joke...  :lol:
[size=150]Don't ride faster than your guardian angel can fly.[/size]


xanthmo

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I am assuming the monkey had a hard time "passing" the Q-ball?  :lol:

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says "sorry we don't serve food here!"


Myth

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You would be assuming right my friend...   :o OMG...  No, I didn't just say that...   :D
[size=150]Don't ride faster than your guardian angel can fly.[/size]


xanthmo

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Yeah, I probably would have done the same thing  :twisted:


Myth

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Yeah right X, I've read your blog...  I doubt you'd toss her if she chinned her way over to you and started chewing your ankles!!!   :roll:
[size=150]Don't ride faster than your guardian angel can fly.[/size]


xanthmo

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I liked the regional aspect of that joke, Myth, with the A&M references.  I had to ask what Aggies were?

I am all outta jokes, I even googled jokes and couldn't come up with anything.  We need some help here!


Myth

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LMAO! Sorry X, being from Texas I assumed everyone knew what Aggies were...  My bad.  But just so you know, that made my day.

Now when you say you're all outta jokes...  I would assume you just me clean or cleanish ones...  Certainly you know more jokes than that.

Though it would be nice if someone else besides us would throw in their two cents.

There were two brothers walking down the sidewalk in the city.  The older brother was 16 and the younger one was 5.  
Well they're walking and all the sundden the younger brother says, "Bubba, I gotta go to the bathroom."
The older brother says, "Can you hold it for a few minutes?"
And the younger brother says, "Okay."
Well they walk a little further and the younger brother says, "Bubba, I really gotta go to the bathroom..."
The older brother asks again, "Can you hold it for a few minutes?"
So the younger brother says "I'll try."
They walk a little further and the younger brother says, "Bubba, I REALLY need to go to the bathroom!"
The older brother askes him if he can hold it and the younger brother says, "No.  I've been holding it and we still haven't found anywhere for me to go."
The older brother says, "Okay, well you gotta go Number one or Number two?
The younger brother says, "Number two..."
So the older brother looks around trying to find somewhere before his little brother craps on himself.
He sees an alleyway and decides that's his only choice.
So they duck in the alley and the younger brother starts doing his business.
Right after he gets his pants up a preacher walks by the alley and notices them.
So naturally he stops to make sure everything is okay.
Well upon seeing the preacher, the older brother takes off his hat and throws it over the pile of poop.
The preacher comes in the alley and asks what they are doing.  They tell him they aren't doing anything.
He notices the hat on the ground and asks, "What's under the hat?"
The older brother doesn't know what to say and the younger one without missing a beat tells him they've caught the fastest bird in the world!
The preacher says, "Really?  Well then why don't you raise the hat and let me see?"
The younger brother says, "Cause if we raise the hat he'll get away."
The preacher says, "Oh, I see.  Well what if I get down here and catch him when you raise the hat?"
The younger brother says, "Okay..."
So the preacher gets down on the ground, ready to grab the bird as soon as the hat's lifted.
And the younger brother grabs the hat and asks him if he's ready.
The preachers tells him that he is, and they go, "One, Two, THREE!"
And the younger one raises the hat and the preacher digs both hands right into the pile of crap!
The older brother is beside himself, he has no idea what the younger was thinking.
The preacher looks at his hands and asks the brothers, "What the hell is this."
The younger brother tells him, "See, I told you it was the fastest bird in the wolrd, he's already shyt and ran!"   :D
[size=150]Don't ride faster than your guardian angel can fly.[/size]


choylifutsoccer

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LOL!! That has got to be the funniest picture I've seen in a while.


ILL CLICK ENT

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Talk about ATOMIC!!!
[size=150]Burn Rubber!... Not Your Soul!...[/size]
07 Zongshen 250 GS
95 Suzuki GSX-R 750


xanthmo

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Good pic ILL, glad you joined the joke club!  Here's another of my old favorites ... it's been around a while, but still makes me chuckle.

[attachment=0:24mtrqa8]seekcodes_priceless-Mastercard-picture-kids-superhero-costumes-underwear-skidmarks.jpg[/attachment:24mtrqa8]


ILL CLICK ENT

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Man, that is some funny SHYT...! What about this?
[size=150]Burn Rubber!... Not Your Soul!...[/size]
07 Zongshen 250 GS
95 Suzuki GSX-R 750


xanthmo

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Hey ILL, did you make those?  I am just reposting old stuff, I really am not funny or creative.  Your pic did remind me of another one though[attachment=0:3fly63z3]13.jpg[/attachment:3fly63z3]



Myth

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I can actually see those pictures!!!  YAY!!!  I'll see if I can find some funny pictures as well...
« Last Edit: October 03, 2008, 04:43:32 AM by Myth »
[size=150]Don't ride faster than your guardian angel can fly.[/size]


 

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